Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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