I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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