somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
