Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
