i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
