at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
