i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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