Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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