and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
