what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How external is "for external use only"?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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