dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
