i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
