I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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