ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
