I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
