if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
