tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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