Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize