sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
