i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
