Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
