no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
