dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
