Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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