If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if only i could text you this smell
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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