When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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