If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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