Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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