i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
