I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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