this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
