i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
