Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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