This is not my ceiling
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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