As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
