just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
pray to the hookup gods
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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