I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
