how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
