so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
