You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
