it was like his penis was on wheels.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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