So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
