I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
