also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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