She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
