Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
