glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
