I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
