It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
