life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
