I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
