Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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