47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
try to milk me bitch
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