goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
