my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
