Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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